The queens return to the Werkroom in a state of euphoria, amazed by the fact that they have actually been judged by Ru & Co. for the first time, thereby revealing one of the biggest problems with this format: all of the competing queens not from the US, the UK, or Australia are treating this -- and are being treated by WoW -- as essential first-timers on this show, even though they've all run the gauntlet of their own domestic seasons and are almost all universally seasoned talents in their own rights.
Alyssa provides a confessional -- one of many in the first two episodes -- that drag is the pixie dust that adds magic to the world. And this is the second big problem of the first two episodes of this franchise: its name may be "global", but most of the money in this for WoW will be made from English-speaking countries (translation: the US), leaving Alyssa as one of the only queens who can act as a touchstone for a very large and rich segment of the viewing audience. It'd be nice to see more of Eva or Vanity in the confessionals, but apparently WoW doesn't see either of them as a narrative focal point at this juncture. I predict a long run for Alyssa this season if I'm reading these tea leaves correctly.
Ru saunters in to the room to overstated exclaims of delight -- okay, her suit is one of her better picks -- to introduce the queens to an okay quick drag mini-challenge that's still hard to track where there are so many contestants and the stakes are so low. Still, somebody has to win, so Ru randomly picks Nehellenia. I'd send my congratulations, but I'm distracted and irritated by Ru's mispronunciation of Pythia's name. Or maybe it's the right pronunciation! I am confused. The queens are surprised and delighted to discover that there's someone named Nehellenia competing in Global All Stars!
We move into the second half of the premiere, as six more queens are sent to their doom! Things start out slowly for Pythia, who teaches the haters that Drag Story Time can be just as dull and awkward as any heteronormative event -- what was that? -- and sort of meanders along from there. Kitty and Tessa are fine, but forgettable, in their dance numbers. Eva introduces the panel to a Willow Pill/Plastique Tiara fusion number with fun results, and Gala Varo looks hot in her pole dance number, but I'm sad to report that Scarlet Adam's Down Under number was smoother. Mercifully, all the numbers are pretty short.
The runway is a money-themed affair, and results are predictably mixed. Alyssa is a standout in an expensive gold look, and Pythia confuses me by trotting down the runway as Britannia, the face of...British coinage. Even though she says it's constructed with Canadian currency. What is going on, Pythia?
The queens are sent back stage to snipe at each other, but there's relatively little drama at this stage in the competition, and there's a lackluster discussion of potential tops and bottoms. In the end, Eva and Vanity land in the top two, which makes sense, although I really don't remember much about Vanity's number aside from the fact that it sounded really, really produced. Eva makes a number of weird choices in the lipsynch and appears to forget a few words while jittering and seizing in front of the judges, which makes for awkward viewing. Congratulations, Vanity! She spends a few moments lying to the audience that she's now the front-runner of the competition, which I'll let her have before reality sets in that no one has been eliminated, and they're all essentially back at the starting gate next week.
Next week: it's a ball! Feelings are hurt when Pythia claims that a competitor's look is "shit". Given the fact that Pythia's fashion sense is impeccable, I anticipate a number of absolute trainwrecks being trotted down the runway. Finally, some good fun!
Edited August 17 by davidcalgary29ncG1vNJzZmien6fCrr%2BNqamipZWptq6x0WeaqKVfqbyxtcJoaG1xYWd%2BbrPLqJmapF2Wua150q2Yq6tdpb%2BmucieqZ5lpJa5prrTZpyxrKKWw6KzwKexmmWglr%2B1eZFo